Down the road of the weary, the mothers sleep on the sidewalks.

Handbags tucked under one arm, sons in the other.
With one eye open she sleeps in half slumber.
The traffic goes easy, from corner to corner,
but it scratches on the nerves of an unpublished author,
that's been a slave to the page since the day he discovered;
how little he knew about the soul.
And the traffic it echos up ladders and stairwells,
it drums at the doors of his room.
It reminds him of her heartbeat when it drowned out the city streets,
as he slept, so well in her arms.
From his apartment window he stares out as the wind blows
and watches the birds flying east.
Like a bride in the shadows his longing to leave grows;
to step out and step off and be free.

Down the road of the weary, the mothers sleep on the sidewalks,
clinging onto to life by their teeth.
And the traffic it echos up ladders and stairwells;
It tragically drums as he leaps.

The Casual Ache

I awoke in the clothes I had washed long ago, the memories were heavy, all wet and dragging. The TV was on and I was half way through a song, I had forgot I was writing, between now and the morning. There was bruises on my neck and I had so much on my chest I thought I would be empty, not casually aching. I know that this misfortune is like a get-well card next to your bed, and I know it hurts when you read what I write, but if it hadn't been this way, i would have dug an early grave,
to prevent this disaster, from ever occurring.

The mirror was fogged and I remembered words i'd forgotten, in a dream i'd been missing, forever lost in a diary. Our house on its hill, became rope to hold us together, anthills and bird nests, all tarnished and weathered and I realized then, that my only victory is walking, not the words on the page that I wrote until morning, or the lips that I kissed, the shade of lipstick you were wearing, not the targets I missed or the agony I came bearing. In the well i threw a coin and decided to dive in after, because once the moneys left your hand, so does your poetry and laughter.

Melbourne in all it's sadness and beauty.

So on the 24th of september, Our adventure to Melbourne started. Seann, Rune and I headed into hot damn in sydney for Seanns 21st which was pretty much uneventful except for seeing someone i hadn't seen in a while, And memories swarm like bee's too eager to sting and leave you feeling dizzy, sore - red cheeked and obvious.

At 4am I decided to walk to the car to sleep rather than stay.
Though i was quickly joined by Seann and Rune who'd also had enough.

I decided I wasn't tired and so i put the keys in the ignition and started driving towards melbourne, drunk and eager. The sunrise was beautiful.

"Well you say that i treat you like a book on a shelf, i don't take you out that often because i know that i've completed you... how awful that must feel."

By around 9 I was falling into dream and decided to pull over before i ended up at one with the pavement.
Seann took over and i crashed out massively.

I was awoken two hours later by a feild of the most beautiful flowers.
We pulled over and got some polaroids and and other various film shots.
Everything really does feel so much better when you're travelling at high speeds,
You can assure yourself that you're escapeing somehow and that nothing can follow you.

After that we hit the road and i crashed for the majority of the trip.

We came into melbourne too excited for words.
As eager as children in a unmapped playcenter.

We got to leigh's around 4.30 and met his parents, showered and came down stairs. His family were nice and his mum was like a chef. the food was amazing.
Then people started showing up and the alchohol flowing and everything was laughs and smiles.
I played a sort of mini show for them... completely fucked.

After that, it's blurry.

I awoke first the next morning, excited and ready to clean after the night before.
But ... it was already clean... at 8am. I felt bad.

Suddenly everyone started waking, and stories from the night before were told and laughed about.
Seann and I had a epic wrestling match hahaha and my guitar nails scratched his arm hahahahahaah.

After swapping stories everyone went down for breakfast, which i skipped because i felt too sick.
Then people departed slowly with their goodbyes.

We showered again and then headed into the city to explore. Seann ended up getting some more ink, this time behgind his ear, it looked sweet.

Heading home was horrible, Melbourne weather is a lot colder and wetter than sydney.
We braved it, got home and got ready to go out to bang.

Bang was exciting, like going out to a club for the first time again.
The venue was really sweet and the tunes also good. I got really drunk really fast and it took my mind off the previous few days. The faces were new, and i liked it. The strobes were hitting upstairs and we had so much fun mind fucking people with our crazy strobe shit.

A few people recognised me and drinks were bought which was really cool. Being broke is no fun haha.

Seann decided he liked the look of a beanied girl, so I gallantly set him up with her and stole one of her 80's gloves hahaha!

Then i saw Rich Barton from Love at this Volume calling out to me at the door of bang and so I travelled outside asap. We went for a walk and talked a whole fuckload. It was great to finally meet him in person.

The cold was too much, I headed back inside and danced and got rowdy happily.
We left soon after, with Rune still trying to pick up haha! There was going to be no room left in the car so he was literally walking up to girls saying, "Hey want to come back with me, there's only room in the boot but come." So amazing, he was so drunk hahahaha!

Seann ended up going back to this girls house because leigh's mum came upstairs and told him no. Haha.

The next day was all just sleep and preps for the gig.

Seann didn't get back till late that arvo because he was 'Busy' hahaha! Was a bit late for the gig, but nothing to stress about, not that i didn't stress. I always stress. I met the gang from Warnambool as i was walking up the street and gave them much hugs. Eugene had bought me a gift. Bright Eyes' rarities on Vinyl. Best present ever and Lenore had wrote me amazing letters.

We went upstairs and I put my shit down. Soon I was setting up and getting ready to play. The gig went really swell. Though my throat was sore from the night before so I was munching on soothers all day to try heal it. It semi-worked.
Half way through my set, Seann called me over telling me that there is 40 or so people outside unable to get in because they were underage. I was saddened. I felt bad for them, making the effort to see me because i was told it was all ages only to find out it was all ages with a parent.

I finished my set and people were generous with their thank you's and I sold a fair few demos which was sweet.

We went outside and there was still some about who bought demos and had photos and had hugs. It was cute, very cute.

We went to dinner at this really sweet resturant. We had Pizza and we're joined by Taylah and her friend. The pizza was fantastic. Too good. I ordered and 'Pint' and was highly amused at the naming of the sizes of Melbourne beers. "Whats that!!!" - "It's called a pint Pippin." "I'm getting one!!!" "But you have a whole half already!" ........."INTO THE MINES!!!!"
... For those of you who have no idea what was just going on. I suggest you watch the lord of the rings haha.

We then travelled back to the Veludo to collect my free drinks.
That was good.

Then off to Kate's house for a party.
We blazed, and i played and we slept and it was good.

The trip home was a long one.


I miss it already,
I'm playing back down there on the 15th and 16th of this month, stay tuned.
If you have a couch I can crash on ... I would appreciate it heaps.

hurt.

When someone hurts themselves over you its almost as if you're cutting them yourself.

staircases

lonely are the staircases winding endlessly,
they unravel like the hair of a girl i once loved completely,
i spilled most of my drink as i stumbled down it so awkward,
the hotel feels cold, when the love you bought is cheap.

tangled are the curtains by the window,
the bed looks so empty and the sheets so worn,
undressing slowly, she starts to cross the floor,
i examine her symmetry and pull the clock out by the cord.

The morning is beautiful.

I'm never usually up at this time, and to be up at this time for no reason makes it even better.
I think i need to start drinking less and laughing more.

I think ill go busking soon.

I have a lot of new gigs up, and i have a all ages down in Melbourne as well as a support act for the Ivy's at oxford art factory.

Oh! and i'll be playing at with wings' last show at the castle in Melbourne also.


and on another note, fuck it. Don't think twice; it's alright.

I was born a ghost; I am not worthy.

I can feel the pulse of everything around me and it slows,
perhaps my time is slowing too, and my mothers and my non-existant fathers.
Some people were born to live, and to flourish and to grow, and then there's the others.
The outliers.
The non-conforming, poor/talented/broke and hungry.
The malnourished spiritually and literally.
I am of no purpose but to prolong the agony of those around me and to irritate and itch at the mouths of the ones I love, like a fly on a fresh scab.
Where is the beauty?
It's long since left and every day I scratch further and further into the soil.
I don't want to leave this bed of dreams, I am getting nowhere.
I have nothing, I have made you cry.
And how much it agonizes me to hear you cry, and to want to cry, and to hear those cries, no matter how fast or how long I travel away from you.
I can hear the march of the suicidal.
I can hear the drums of a madman asking me to march and I am walking.
I am walking because I need to walk.
I am walking for an escape and to meet others with substance and substances.
I am walking because it is innate that we walk.
I am walking because I have no memory of my childhood, and because I am filled with bitterness that does nothing but hurt, and hurt unintentionally.
I was born a ghost;
I am not worthy.

Some days existence seems pointless,

And well ...
this is one of them.







I wrote a new song though. I recorded it, but I'm not sure if I'm happy with it yet.
It's called 'sleep away my days'.
Here are the lyrics.


If this is living with existence,
then I just don't see the point.
A thousand faces walking down the street,
but who will remember once they're gone.


Keep me chained like a dog at night.
Let me sleep away my days.
Take a picture to remember this,
Because each memory i have seems to fade... away.


I had a vision that the sky just fell,
It cracked like glass underweight.
All the angels screamed as they fell,
I guess its a fucking long way from grace.


Keep me chained like a dog at night.
Let me sleep away my days.
Take a picture to remember this,
Because each memory i have seems to fade... away.


In a schoolyard I was taught my place,
from the caverns of their mouths.
A thousand words rolled off their tongues,
I still remember each one now.


Keep me chained like a dog at night.
Let me sleep away my days.
Take a picture to remember this,
because each memory i have seems to fade... away.


Though I remember that I loved you once,
from the outskirts of my mind.
That was living with existence,
but I just could not see it at the time.


So I'm chained like a dog at night.
I can't sleep away my days.
Too many pictures to remember you by,
These memories never seem to fade... away.

Keys

Well i got my first ink yesterday.
My friend Bnen did it, he is also the dude who does the artwork for my myspace/album cover etc.
I decided i'd like a key as my first one. From the ages of about 4-7 i collected keys religiously. I used to go around to all the key shops and ask if they had any spare keys i could have.

Did you know keys can open other doors that they're not designed to open as long as you use a correctly shaped key. I guess i just wanted to be able to make an escape if the time came to it...

I used to carry bunches of different types on my belt.
In the eyes of a 4 year old, the only certain way of escape is with a key.
You cannot break down a door, or smash a window and with everything that was happening at the time with my father, I think i needed to know, that if the time came to it - I would have a bunch of my most favorite and lucky keys to get me out.

If you like what you see, I can give you Bnen's details. He drew this in about 10 minutes... and it was exactly what i wanted. He is pretty much the most talented artist I have ever met.

More ink to come.

Worn out.

So worn out, i drove for about 5 hours today and played two shows.
It was nice to see some friendly faces though and to socialize a bit.
My head is numb, i am certain that when i close my eyes i will be asleep before my head hits the pillow.


Around the clock we seldom dance, I've tasted you with the morning.
and we when sleep, our chattering teeth, keep my breathing steady.
Its not the winter that shakes us, its nail biting teen lust, we're as naked as ghosts cuddling.
So why blow out the candles, like a overwhelmed 6year old, too eager to get out of their overalls.

I think we all leave things behind.

Have you ever found yourself looking back into your mind, to times where everything felt alright? Tonight i was driving home from a movie, and i sort of fell into thoughts that turn my stomach and get me feeling sea-sick.

I think I have a photographic memory. I get stills that hang over my eyes, so perfectly. It's sort of repulsive, but it's like something so painfully beautiful that you can't look away.
I started thinking, about what they're thinking, and if that time of my life was the best I'll ever have.

There is some people you just click with, some people you will remember, even when you stop breathing, even when all your friends grow up, and move out and move on and forget about you.
I think that if I could go back, perhaps I could change things, perhaps I could change my mind, and their mind.

I remember I used to walk to your door. Just to surprise you, just because you knew that I'd walked that whole way, just for you. For you. Because I cared, because I did care and still care and it hurt, and it still hurts.

I don't know how, but it seems that when you love someone you inevitably push them away and you hurt them intentionally, until all that was once beautiful is tarnished and ugly, and you struggle the see the life in their eyes. we love to hurt and to be hurt.

I went to the effort of pretending to throw everything out but when you left, I collected it, like a scavenger and hid it because i knew - That in twenty years, I'm going to look back and just weep over it all. Its like Pandora's box, when I open this, I'm going to let all the evil out that I've contained inside me.

And then there is the present, and the re-occurring structures that you ever so hate, but seem to remake like a junkie that knows no other way of existence. I left behind what I knew to start re-writing history. And trust is a arrow that once you've fired, it's lost, its gone, it wont come back.

All i know is these bones just get colder, and the beauty fades from everything desireable. Until you only desire escape.


I'm going to end up empty, a lonely vessel with no-one to set sail.